It's not a good sign

It's Christmas today, yet I'm eventually home on both Eve & today.

Totally got no mood at all. Feeling shit!

Sigh! There's no where I could be able to vent my anger or grumble.

1. Family Problem that I can't be bothered anymore! Even if I wanted everything to be smooth & solve. Things don't just get in my way. I could only say a word to describe everything 'Harsh'. There's no communication between them at all. How pathetic. Sometimes, I just hope that I'm not part of this family.

2. My mum gave 3 of my soft toy away!!! Baby Tasmania, Maria the cat & a Pink Bear. One of them was a gift (Pink Bear) from boyfriend otherwise I wouldn't be so angry. It was the second time. The first time, she threw it away at the lift lobby when I'm not home. Luckily, it's still there when I got back and I manage to brought all back in again. Was so pissed about her act & I called her on her cell. Telling her NOT to throw or give anything away.

Then 2 nights back, I went in the store room. Then I realize that 3 of them were missing! I called my mum straight away. Yet what she told me was ''Oh~ I gave it away...'' It's like WHAT THE FUCK!!! I told her No matter what she better get my pink bear back. She hanged my call which made me feeling more like shit!

That's the Christmas gift she gave me!

She's so freaking rude. She din't respect me AT ALL.

I always remember what she have taught when we were young.''Do not touch others stuff without permission.'' The other will be ''It's always a courtesy to ask.'' But she's not behaving or acting this way.

Thought of it now, I'm still freaking pissed with her. It's really unforgivable. I told her ''I told you millions times NOT to do anything to them. Yet you still... How will you feel if you can't find your previous thing from someone special?? & I told you that ''Oh~ I gave it away!'' How will you freaking feel?! I don't care! I'll be home when my pink bear is homed.''

I know I may sound rude or being vexatious. But she taught us these too "Whatever you've done. you got to bear with the consequences." So now she have to bear with the consequences on what she had done.

3. I lost myself, my world. I'm not working, still lazying around. I seriously got to work, and I did start looking for one. But besides thinking of the business I really wanted, I've got no other extra mood for other jobs. My life was so monotone. Dislike the life I'm eventually living. I wanted to change myself. But without $$, you can't do anything! Reality suck big time!

4. I really wish that I have someone that I can rely on. That I could trust without any fear of being betraying or getting hurt. That we could grow together. I'm referring to both females & males, especially my future partner. & my family situation had caused me to have phobia toward it. Hence at my state now, I don't think I worth someone to concern, pampered or even love now.

I can't keep telling people to be more concerned and patience towards me. Cause I don't think I've got the rights now. And I think I will be a person who will be forgotten someday.