Phobia

A short update in between the time while ii'm doing my assignment...

Mum brought me to BoonKeng for me to meet my friend for assignment.

While on our way there,

mum drived passed somewhere

which made me recalled back the incident falls on 1st March this year.

My heart starts beating rapidly that ii can feel it's missed skips somehow.

That ii could hardly breathe and it (heart) sank.

Looking at where ii am, thinking back...

trying to recall hard for what had actually happened that day.

ii hesitated...

I am afraid.

ii wanted to shout out everything that ii could!

Yet ii'm struggling somehow...

ii knew it will definitely worry my mum out if ii mention it again.

&& again,

ii've chose to shut myself, smiling away...

If ii would to choose,

ii would really wants to erase off the incident for now & forever.

The question that ii've been always asking:

"Have ii ever stepped out of that incident??"

ii hope so ...

This is really a phobia for me ...

Lonely National Day

Today was National Day.

It doesn't related to me at all.

Frankly, ii'm forcing myself to sleep in the evening.

So that ii'll missed the celebrations & the fireworks.

However, ii still manage to wake up on time for the fireworks:(

Watching the tv, saw those beautiful fireworks.

Suddenly, ii cried...

This is the 2nd time ME alone at home watching fireworks on tv.

ii remember it was 2 years back.

Friends did called me out.

But ii rejected.

The reason:

They're goiing out to have fun && ii don wish to join them as ended up,

ii might become a spoiler.

ii remember that night, how lonely ii am. crying & crying...

Maybe this might the reason that ii'm so emotion today...

However, boyfriend manage to catch the fireworks due to he's sailing.

ii know it wasn't what he want by leaving me alone here & he could catch the fireworks LIVE.

ii should have been more understanding instead of showing him my attitude.

ii'm really sorry:(

YOU:

ii'm sorry! ii shouldn't have been this way.

ii'm sorry ...